Being Rashmi Ranjan Saikia

Rashmi Ranjan Saikia, is my name. Typical middle class name which is often mistaken as a girls name. The name was given to me by mother, whom i adore so much. She used to tell me that in the mornings, when the sun's rays would pass through the ventilator, it was then she got the idea for my name. Rashmi means the rays of the sun and to jingle it, she added Ranjan. Moreover, my fathers name starts with a R. since then, i had this complex about my name being somewhat feminine. I used to complain t my mom and she used to take me in my laps and would say" don't care what others say about you, it is you who is important.

Since then, everywhere people used to make a mockery about my name. earlier in my class tenth, while filling up the examination form, my teacher changes the letter o with a. from then on, my full name was Rashmi Ranjan Saikia. incidentally, i am a firm believer in numerology and my date of birth adds up to 9. coincidentally, the total words in my name is 18, which also adds up to 9. Besides my sun sign is Aries and my date of birth falls on the positive house of mars. these are pretty inconsequential issues. however, the year is 2009 and i feel this is going to be my lucky year. as always.. hope for the best

I am the most misunderstood in my family and this is something related to my upbringing. I have always been demanding to my parents, even then they have never lost their faith on me. In my initial years, i had a number of options and in particularly was bogged down with competitiveness. My distant cousins were good at studies and my parents continuously used to compare m e with them. this laid the foundation of the person who i am now. sometimes i want to break away from the mold and do things, which i like most. even then, somehow i have succeeded in achieving my dreams to a certain extent. I used to run away from responsibilities, but over the years things have certainly changed for good. I constantly used to crave for a soul mate, who could understand me and support me in times of crisis. By gods grace, this is a reality now.

My journey has only just begun and till now i have never lost my hopes. I am firm believer in destiny and the almighty.Practical things do matter but for me the raw emotions is what makes a person important. some things in life never change and this is what makes the journey an important aspect.

to get the best you have to be the best

In order to achieve the best, you have to be the best, no matter what. That goes same with me too. In my search for the best, i have seen number of upheavals, for which i had to halt and change my course a number of times. Over the years, i have sen and observed my surroundings that with change in time, they too have embraced new meaning.

The present period certainly brings in a wind of change. yes, i have changed and that means a lot of me. The emotional content till now was more or less based on my prevailing circumstances. of course, there had been some clashes inside me, but thats all the part of the game. success have eluded me and failures have constantly kept company with me. even then, i had this inner coinscise, which kept me on my feet and made me the man i am now.

holding against the emotional tirade is definitely a challenge in itself. so, to embrace the change, it is i who had to make the beginning. even then, i am the most misunderstood among the lot. But as i have sai earlier, to be the best, you have to be the best. These small trivial issues are not a matter of any concern but somewhere down the line, you have to stand for the causes that you believe are right.

The best you can do is to wait and watch...nothin else

Am i a liar? yes i am... But everybody has a reason to lie and it was same for me. The circumstances were such that i had to and that too deliberately. Precisely a year ago, in the month of December i met someone speacial and i fell in love with her. Did i do anything wrong? no way....coz love comes spontaneously. Now i realize, it was a great fault. No matter how much you try, some where some one is not waiting for you, other wise someone would have understood my feelings.

For the past few months, i have been chasing a dream and this is what really is making the matters worse. I do not have the guts to digest my failure and it seems to me that i have lost the faith on myself. In these disturbed times, i can just only wait and watch. The troubled times are ahead and i have to remain patient for the time being.

For everyone, including my parents and my loved ones, i have turned out to be the bad apple, the one to whom no once can confide.. the quintessential villain. But whoever can understand me can sense my fear, as greater deeds await and this is what now matters me the most. Of course i am a self centric egoistic, who likes to keep things simple and easy. But it is the nature of we homosaphiens to create complicacies. However, there is always light at the end of the tunnel and this is what keeps me going. What i need is an unconditional support and thats what i really need now.

There is a saying that not every question deserves an answer and thats what i mean!!!!!